It's Not Just A Call

I merely use my phone to actually make calls.

Or rather, I used to but not any more.

I make an appointment for myself.

Schedule the call I'm supposed to make.

A few days or at least hours beforehand.

Yet that doesn't seem enough.

I take time, a lot.

I postpone a few times.

Prove that I'm a helluv a procrastinator.

Finally, I start thinking.

And then overthink, of course.

I make the call in my mind.

Make those awkward convos and silences.

And end up messing it up.

It makes it harder to actually dial.

If in case I succeed in dialing,

I also end up succeeding in messing it up.

I know It's me who've been pushing people away.

And this is exactly how I do it.

I don't really get calls.

And the ones I merely get are all missed.

I just stare at them.

I take time.

And one full ring never seems enough.

The ringtone makes me more nervous.

I just slide it to silence.

And now, the mere calls don't ring the second time.

I confirm each time that it's me.

That's exactly how the sim card remains unused.

And the apps which don't allow phone calls became the favorites.

Cause, to me,

It's not just a call.