Null, Not Null.

These days, when I hear hard times people are going through, I feel lucky to not have been going through those same hard times, but I somehow force myself to have the flash backs of the times I'd been through, I force myself to remind myself about my present situations and I find myself forcing myself, all of a sudden, to feel the stress on my hair. And I realize how much I hate those situations. And then I remind myself of how much I need to feel strong at the moment.

Knowingly or not, I realize how I am keeping myself off the stresses. And at the same time, I also realize how I'm avoiding or ignoring situations where I actually need to stress about, and that's one fact I sometimes seriously stress about.

Avoid people, interactions, share less of my worries, that's what I'm doing these days. I can also sense how bad can these consequent to, but I'm not able to bring back the one or two years' back version of me. I somehow don't want to go back to being the older me, and I'm also worried how my one or two years newer version will be. I'm just going with the flow right now. I feel the necessity of changes that I need to bring in me, but I don't want to.

I need help, I know. I also know that I don't want one. I wonder what stage of life I'm in.