No, I can't kill my heart.
“His brother texted me and also my own daughter wasn’t
happy. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.” She looked tensed. The previous day,
she had shown me her pictures where she wore red sari, put red bangles, lipstick,
all traditional jewels, chhadke tilhari and potey, in all
excitement. And today, she was worried for the same things that made her happy
yesterday.
She explained. Her brother-in-law had texted her asking the
reason behind her wearing the red sari and bangles and tilhari and potey.
He asked if she got married again. He had given her taunts for wearing all
of them. Also, her daughter had called her to let her know that she shouldn’t
have done that and that she is all so angry with her activities. “Mom, you
shouldn’t have done that. People are asking about your marital status. I’m so
mad at you”, her daughter told her.
“How can I convince people about my interests in wearing red
and all other ornaments and bangles. He’s been gone for three years now.
Wearing or not wearing red doesn’t both bring him back. And I needn’t marry
again to wear it all. He’s dead already, I can’t kill my interests, I can’t
kill my heart. I once had found one video of a woman who wore red few days after
her husband’s death. She was so inspiring. Why can’t people take me the same
way?”
She left me numb. I didn’t have any words to suggest anything
to her. She was the one giving a lesson to me. I only wanted her to not regret
for what she did. I only asked her to not kill her choices and interests and
her heart.
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